Oahu Diaries: Guess What? Another Cockroach Story...or two...or three

One of the worst feelings in the world is oversleeping your alarm and waking in a state of panic. A couple Thursdays ago that is exactly what happened. My alarm went off at 6:45 as usual. The last thing I remember is turning off the alarm and my face falling into the pillow. I finally woke at 7:30 to my roommates alarm. Rushing down the ladder to my bed, I grabbed my towel and took off for the shower. Not thinking, I ripped off my clothes and jumped straight into the shower. It was then I saw my little friend, Mister

Roach, scurrying up the wall to the shower. Letting out a cry for help, I danced around the shower until I could get ahold of myself and think. I reached out of the shower and grabbed a few squares of toilet paper. That sucker was quick. After some jabbing and more dancing, I trapped him in the T.P. and flung him straight into the toilet. 3 pointer!

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I have been super busy these past couple weeks. Between time spent at school, work, and doing homework, I neglected doing the dishes. Piling up were bowls, spoons, and a blender. This probably contributed to the infestation I experienced. I was getting ready for bed one night. I walked over to the kitchen trash can to throw my contacts away. When one had been removed and disposed of I saw a black blob moving across the kitchen wall with my good eye. Knowing just what it was, I walked over to the closet and grabbed the Raid. It was going down. After I successfully hit my target and watched him squirm in his last moments of life, another black speck caught my eye. BOOM. Head shot. Killed that little fella too. It was then that I saw, inside my blender, a little roach crawling around the glass. The blender was upside down on the counter and he couldn't find a way out. Disgusted at the situation, I decided to take a moment and remove my other contact so I could put on my glasses and have a better sense of what I was dealing with. When I walked back over to the kitchen, the roach inside the blender was a lot bigger than I had thought. I think ginormous is a good word to use. I carefully planned my next maneuver and then I noticed there wasn't just one roach in there. There was the little one I had first seen and then the massive one I had since discovered. To make matters even better, they were crawling on the blades and making residence in the pouring spout. When both the roaches were up high and inside the spout, I lifted up the bottom of the blender, sprayed a little puddle of Raid on the counter, and set the blender back over it. I don't know what I was hoping this would accomplish. Maybe the fumes would eek up and kill them or some idiot would crawl down and through the puddle. Well that's exactly what happened. The little roach crawled out of the spout and began making his way down the side when he looked as if he jumped. He then crawled through the puddle of Raid and shriveled up and died. Suicide. Godzilla wasn't as easy. I tapped on the spout hoping he's run out afraid or something, but he was too smart. Or so he thought... Turning on the kitchen sink, I quickly flipped over the blender and began filling it with water. He floated out of the spout and began flailing his legs in all directions. I took the Raid and shot it down into the water where he was drowning. A couple more leg kicks. Dead.

The total body count after all this: 6. (I left out a couple more of the stories to spare the reader of some redundancy)

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A couple nights ago, I was ironically drying my blender. I had finally scrubbed it from all the Raid and roach infestations that had taken place inside its glass walls. As I set it down I saw a big, disgusting roach crawling down the wall in front of me. "HOLY COW THAT THING IS HUGE!!" I ran to get the Raid (which is surprisingly not empty yet) and Gaby came running to watch. As I sprayed the big mama another roach ran behind our oven. I let loose a stream of spray that hopefully hit him and sent him falling behind the oven. To my right I saw another and then another. As I kept spraying I noticed they were coming from behind the light under our kitchen cabinet. I took the spray and shot it up behind the light and waited. More came scurrying out, some fell out dead, and little minuscule baby roaches slid down the wall with the stream of Raid. After the battle had been won, I began laying down some long term Poison all around the light, except on one side. The poorly designed light was too close to the edge of the cabinet to fully lay down all the poison. I got my flash light and looked back behind the light. What I saw were holes in the cement wall with wires from the light being fed into them. The perfect breeding ground. They may feel safe back there, but the war is coming. Last night was a turn for the better. We claimed 13 lives and killed the mother roach with her sack of babies. Death was in the air. Or maybe that was just the potent smell of Raid...