Guess What? Another Cockroach Story...or two...or three

One of the worst feelings in the world is oversleeping your alarm and waking in a state of panic. A couple Thursdays ago that is exactly what happened. My alarm went off at 6:45 as usual. The last thing I remember is turning off the alarm and my face falling into the pillow. I finally woke at 7:30 to my roommates alarm. Rushing down the ladder to my bed, I grabbed my towel and took off for the shower. Not thinking, I ripped off my clothes and jumped straight into the shower. It was then I saw my little friend, Mister

Roach, scurrying up the wall to the shower. Letting out a cry for help, I danced around the shower until I could get ahold of myself and think. I reached out of the shower and grabbed a few squares of toilet paper. That sucker was quick. After some jabbing and more dancing, I trapped him in the T.P. and flung him straight into the toilet. 3 pointer!

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I have been super busy these past couple weeks. Between time spent at school, work, and doing homework, I neglected doing the dishes. Piling up were bowls, spoons, and a blender. This probably contributed to the infestation I experienced. I was getting ready for bed one night. I walked over to the kitchen trash can to throw my contacts away. When one had been removed and disposed of I saw a black blob moving across the kitchen wall with my good eye. Knowing just what it was, I walked over to the closet and grabbed the Raid. It was going down. After I successfully hit my target and watched him squirm in his last moments of life, another black speck caught my eye. BOOM. Head shot. Killed that little fella too. It was then that I saw, inside my blender, a little roach crawling around the glass. The blender was upside down on the counter and he couldn't find a way out. Disgusted at the situation, I decided to take a moment and remove my other contact so I could put on my glasses and have a better sense of what I was dealing with. When I walked back over to the kitchen, the roach inside the blender was a lot bigger than I had thought. I think ginormous is a good word to use. I carefully planned my next maneuver and then I noticed there wasn't just one roach in there. There was the little one I had first seen and then the massive one I had since discovered. To make matters even better, they were crawling on the blades and making residence in the pouring spout. When both the roaches were up high and inside the spout, I lifted up the bottom of the blender, sprayed a little puddle of Raid on the counter, and set the blender back over it. I don't know what I was hoping this would accomplish. Maybe the fumes would eek up and kill them or some idiot would crawl down and through the puddle. Well that's exactly what happened. The little roach crawled out of the spout and began making his way down the side when he looked as if he jumped. He then crawled through the puddle of Raid and shriveled up and died. Suicide. Godzilla wasn't as easy. I tapped on the spout hoping he's run out afraid or something, but he was too smart. Or so he thought... Turning on the kitchen sink, I quickly flipped over the blender and began filling it with water. He floated out of the spout and began flailing his legs in all directions. I took the Raid and shot it down into the water where he was drowning. A couple more leg kicks. Dead.

The total body count after all this: 6. (I left out a couple more of the stories to spare the reader of some redundancy)

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A couple nights ago, I was ironically drying my blender. I had finally scrubbed it from all the Raid and roach infestations that had taken place inside its glass walls. As I set it down I saw a big, disgusting roach crawling down the wall in front of me. "HOLY COW THAT THING IS HUGE!!" I ran to get the Raid (which is surprisingly not empty yet) and Gaby came running to watch. As I sprayed the big mama another roach ran behind our oven. I let loose a stream of spray that hopefully hit him and sent him falling behind the oven. To my right I saw another and then another. As I kept spraying I noticed they were coming from behind the light under our kitchen cabinet. I took the spray and shot it up behind the light and waited. More came scurrying out, some fell out dead, and little minuscule baby roaches slid down the wall with the stream of Raid. After the battle had been won, I began laying down some long term Poison all around the light, except on one side. The poorly designed light was too close to the edge of the cabinet to fully lay down all the poison. I got my flash light and looked back behind the light. What I saw were holes in the cement wall with wires from the light being fed into them. The perfect breeding ground. They may feel safe back there, but the war is coming. Last night was a turn for the better. We claimed 13 lives and killed the mother roach with her sack of babies. Death was in the air. Or maybe that was just the potent smell of Raid...

Roach dead in my blender

DEAD

A roach and some roach poop. We really do clean the counters, promise!

My Best Friend

The idiot that was inside the blender and crawled through the puddle

Mama Roach

Pile of dead Roaches

Roaches Roaches Everywhere

They're getting bigger...and smarter. Over the last couple of weeks, many cockroaches have made attacks against me and have succeeded in escaping. They know when to strike. As soon as I take my contacts out there seems to be hundreds of little black moving blurs all over the walls. I race to find the Raid, clumsily tripping over the carpet or any other random thing that would not usually be an obstacle. Aiming the can in their general direction I let loose a stream of spray and suddenly they disappear. Either the spray hit them and they fell to the ground or they made a leap of faith and are now relying on the carpet to disguise themselves. Either way, the carpet is like a black hole, leaving me wondering where the stupid things disappear to.

They also like to wake up bright and early for a surprise visit. They love surprises, especially in the shower! The other morning I rolled out of bed, grabbed my towel and headed in to enjoy a nice steamy shower. Thankfully I turned on the water before I climbed in, because as I did, a big ol' roach ran from the drain to safety. All I saw was a black blob moving across the floor of the shower and up the wall. Already naked and not quite feeling running into the room to get the Raid, I took a tissue, picked up that little pervert, and threw him in the toilet. Sayonara buddy! Not even two days later, I was showering and minding my own business when I see something moving along the shower curtain. Guess who was feeling dirty and wanted a shower too? I'm not for sharing the shower.

My favorite of these stories has been long going. I'm convinced it is the same roach, primarily because I don't want to believe we have multiple roaches that are the size of Godzilla. I first saw him in the kitchen. When I laid eyes on him I had to do a double take to make sure it wasn't a small dog. When I realized what it was, I froze. I couldn't think. I couldn't move. I failed. By the time I made it to the closet a foot away to retrieve the Raid, he had disappeared into the cabinet. I frantically opened the doors to find him, but he was gone. I'm convinced there's a door to Narnia through the cabinet. Maybe that's why my food keeps disappearing. And to think I was blaming my roommates. How silly of me!

The second time he made an appearance, I was doing my makeup at my desk. Looking at the mirror I thought I saw something moving behind me. I kept turning around to figure out what it was, but I found nothing. Turns out it was nothing behind me. He was climbing up my wall right in front of my face. He must've known I saw him because he ran and tried to hide behind a decorative lei i have hanging above my desk. Not wanting to ruin my lei, I gingerly moved it aside and captured the roach in a tissue. I underestimated his size. When I pulled the tissue away, the big boy fell to the ground below my desk. I quickly located him and then ran to get my best friend, Raid. I attempted spraying way back there, but the last thing I saw was a little roach butt escaping behind my dresser. I thought maybe the Raid had by chance hit him and he was crawling away to contemplate his crumby life and die. Nope.

A few nights ago, I was the last one to go to sleep. After turning all the lights off, I climbed into bed using my phone's flashlight as a guide. When army crawling across my bunk to my pillow, I noticed yet another black blob. I aimed my light on it, and sure enough, my friend was back wanting to cuddle. I scrambled to find a tissue, but at such heights I could only come across an old crumbly one. I had no faith in the situation. I corralled the little menace away from my bed and over my dresser. I nervously tried to hit him with my tissue a few times, but I missed horribly. When he got over top of my dresser he began to climb on the ceiling and get farther and farther out of reach. Knowing this was my last chance, I reached out and attempted to hit him into the ceiling. It ended up being more of a soft slap and he fell to the ground never to be seen again. Currently he is eating all of our crumbs and growing. He's seeking his revenge.